Angels

   I can't stop thinking about the shooting in Connecticut. I can't wrap my mind around such a heinous and evil act. This young, twisted "man" killed his own mother, 20 children, 6 adults, then himself. At church yesterday, the congregation got on it's knees at the altar to pray for the families affected by the tragedy. As I knelt, I was in a daze. I thought of the sheer terror everyone in that building must have felt. The confusion as to what was happening and why. Images of their horrified faces kept flashing through my mind. There have been many killing sprees in U.S. history and they're all nothing short of awful, it's just a different sense of heartbreak when there are kids involved.

   I'll never understand why these things happen. I'll never understand how someone can have so much hatred stored up inside them that they decide to go shoot up an elementary school - or anywhere for that matter. I know that mental illness is a very serious thing, and I know this sounds harsh but if someone plans to commit suicide after the killing spree, why not just do it first? Why put innocent people to death and make their families suffer for the rest of their lives? I've always thought of suicide as a very selfish act considering your family and friends bear the emotional burden after you're gone and are constantly wondering what they could've done to prevent it, but killing others for no reason is far worse. 
   As the President gave a speech at the school last night, I was surprised that he read passages from the Bible, but I'm so glad he did. I choked up when he read the list of names. Each name was someone whose family is now broken, torn apart by sadness and pain. I hope the scriptures brought comfort, even if only a little bit. I hope the families know that their lost family members are now angels watching over them.

   I'll bet that out of those 20 children murdered, there were some that were born to couples like Brent & I. Couples desperately hoping and praying for a baby. Waiting for what seemed like forever to conceive (or adopt). I can't imagine the joy they felt when they were finally blessed with a child, but even worse, I can't imagine what they felt to hear that their precious, innocent child was gone from this world forever. It's gut-wrenching. I feel like if I was one of those parents I'd be ready to die right then so that I could be with them in Heaven. What a long wait for my time to come that would be.

   I read an article where the dad of one of the little girls killed gave a small interview. He told the reporter that he is not mad and that he offers sympathy to the family of the shooter. He said "I can't imagine how hard this experience must be for you." WOW. I wish I could say I'd be gracious and forgiving like that, but there's no way. I would be livid. I understand his sympathy towards the killer's family considering they're not at fault, but there's just no way I wouldn't be mad. 

   I hope that out of something so awful, we can all take away something positive. I hope that the outpouring of love and the desire that people have to help one another in crisis restores our faith in humanity. May the teachers who died while protecting their students and preventing more casualties get the recognition and praise they deserve. Hopefully this brings the families affected even closer together. I know this is far-fetched, but I hope that next time something like this happens, people will just shut up about politics. What good is an argument about gun laws, Obama, or conservatives vs. liberals going to do? Be respectful and let the hurting have their time to grieve. 

   It's unfortunate that only the horrific, devastating happenings make headlines. If as many happy things were being reported, I think our society would be better off as a whole. There are, and will always be terrible people doing terrible things, but there are also so many genuinely good people out there doing good things.

   This, and many other events going on around the world, just reiterates that my struggles are minuscule compared to others'. I may be hurting, but I'm alive! Often, especially when I heard about this particular shooting, I wonder where God's hand is in all of it. I wonder what His plan is. But you know what? It's not really my place to know His plan. In the midst of the challenges in life,  I'm confident that God has our backs. I feel sad for those who think God is a joke, for those who think He's made up. Who do they turn to for comfort in times of trial? Where do they find hope? Just a few more questions I'll never have the answers to.

   Be thankful for what you have, but most importantly WHO you have. I can smile knowing that even if Brent and I had a way of knowing when we met that we'd be battling infertility down the road, we would've chosen to be together anyway. At least I know I would've anyway ;) I can smile knowing that I'm surrounded by people who love me, and that I have an intimate relationship with the Lord. 

   If you have children, love them like crazy. Write down funny things they say, get down on the floor and play with them. Let them make a mess and be a kid. Make them feel special. Give them hugs and kisses as often as you can, and make sure they know that they're loved. That's what I'll be doing when I finally get my sweet baby. 


~Kirsten


                "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
                                                                                                                -- Hebrews 11:1