Halfway To One

   How is my brand new baby 6 months old already (well, in a few days anyway)? Didn't I just announce that I was pregnant?! This kid grows and changes literally overnight. She has teeth, her hair is growing quickly, she has her ears pierced... sigh. 
   Speaking of teeth - she and I are both miserable from teething. Who needs those stupid things anyway?! She went from sleeping in the crib all night, waking only once or twice to eat, to ending up in bed with me every night. YES - I've turned into a co-sleeping mama. Have I ever mentioned the list of "never will I ever"'s that I so ignorantly made up before I became a parent? Well, having a baby sleep in my bed was on that list (so was shoving a pacifier in her yapper every time she freaks out, but I do that now too). In case you're judging me, I'll give you my grumpy teething child overnight for a week and see what heights, depths, and lengths you'll go to in order to maintain a speck of sanity! For those of you moms out there who I looked at and thought "I'll NEVER do that" while shaking my head in disbelief, I'm sorry, and you're awesome. Moms are awesome.
   On that note though, when she is in her crib, I miss her. I stare at the monitor and watch her tiny chest rise and fall. I love how she'll wake up and look around, then plop her head back down and stroke the sheets with her fingertips until she falls back to sleep. I end up spending all of the time I could be sleeping just watching her and anticipating the first wake-up of the night.
   She's thriving and that makes me proud. I fed her her first solid food today and she wasn't impressed, but it's exciting to see her try something new even if it's just a few bites a day for a while. Until today, she's had nothing but breastmilk. In the beginning it was difficult - VERY difficult - for me and I didn't think I'd be able to nurse past the 1st week, but here I am 6 months later, and I'm grateful that I'm still nursing and pumping every day. It's tiring and sometimes doubt creeps in that maybe it's not enough for her, but I have a wonderful doctor (and many other people in my life) who, when I'm feeling discouraged or worried, reassures me that I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing. 
   On my days off work, we spend a lot of time doing a whole lot of everything. She's at the age where she needs constant interaction, but she gets bored easily so we're moving from one thing to another all day. She rolls all over the living room and tries really hard to get into a crawling position, but just ends up looking like she's swimming. She CAN sit up, she just doesn't care to for more than 10 seconds. She loves Sophie the Giraffe as well as pretty much anything she can fit in her mouth. She likes to stand (with assistance of course) against everything, or on whoever's lap she's on. She still loves car rides, and manages to fall asleep approximately 3-4 minutes before we reach our destination. She loves to squeal and shriek loudly, especially in church! It's cute and I love it, no matter how shrill. There are many things that change about her every day and I feel like every time I turn around she's doing something new.
   There are times I see a picture of her, and it can be a picture I've seen a hundred times, and tears well up in my eyes. I guess I just still can't believe that she's mine. She does this thing now where she'll look away from me, then look back to see if I'm watching her, and flash me a huge grin complete with those 2 new teeth. She reaches out for me and wraps those tiny arms around my neck and squeezes. Every time she does these things I feel I'm going to explode with love for her. I show her off any chance I get, and I don't even care that I'm "that mom" who whips out my phone in an instant if someone asks about her. #sorrynotsorry.
   This has been the longest, shortest, hardest, happiest 1/2 year of my life.

~ Kirsten

                 "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
                                                                                 --Hebrews 11:1

My New Normal

  Our baby girl turned 2 months this past Thursday, and 9 weeks on Friday. I've managed to keep a tiny human alive for 9 weeks (and 2 days, but who's counting?)! Some days the hospital seems like forever ago, and some days it feels like this morning. While I was pregnant I had several people tell me that once the baby is born, the days drag on but the months/years fly. They couldn't have been more right!
   I only have 9 days of maternity leave left and already I'm experiencing such mixed feelings. I'm ready to get back to my career and my clients, I've missed just about everything about the salon. Thank God for a job that I love, otherwise someone would probably have to drag me to work kicking and screaming. I admit that some days my patience is so thin that I just want to hide under the covers - and she's not even mobile yet! - but I truly have enjoyed spending my days cuddling with my sweet girl.

   Aaaand, speaking of cuddling, that brings me to this. She will NOT nap if I'm not holding her. Nope, not having it. I'll have her asleep - and I mean so asleep that I can lift her arm or leg and when I let it go it drops like an anchor - then I lay her down and bam! Eyes fly open and the wailing begins. These days I don't have much time to eat, which I guess is alright since even a walk on the treadmill is out of the question. With that said, good luck to those watching her while I'm at work! ;)
   The constant holding can be exhausting and when I lay her down at night (she's a sleep champ at night!) I feel a sense of relief that I have a few minutes to myself to do as I please. What do I end up doing? Getting in bed, looking over the edge watching her sleep, missing her and telling myself not to pick her up. My mom and mother-in-law both have come over a few times so I could run some errands and take a breather. I look forward to it, but after a few minutes I find myself hurrying through my errands and rushing to get back home. Funny how that happens. 

   I've been jotting down when she does something new and trying to keep her baby book up to date. I always think I'll remember something, but of course I never do! This week she began cooing like crazy, and responding to us with cute little noises. She discovered her hands and went cross-eyed a couple of times trying to focus on them, but they usually go straight to her mouth. She also started swatting at the toys that hang from her playmat, and is really gaining strength in her neck. She screams bloody murder after a few minutes of tummy time but her doctor told me to do if even if she cries... it's pitiful!   

   A lot of the time I still can't believe that Brent and I are parents. The explosion of pink, the tiny socks falling out of the dryer, the baby monitors in every room, etc. have become my new normal and I kind of love it. I'll risk being cliché here by saying she's the best thing that ever happened to me. 

   Wish me luck as I go back to work! I'm trying not to stress about how she'll adjust to not being with me all day but in a twisted way, I revel in the fact that at this point in her life, I'm the only one she needs. It won't be like this forever. And in case you were wondering, I typed this whole thing on my cell phone while Kaydence snoozed on me. Sigh... ♥

~Kirsten

                    "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
                                                                          --Hebrews 11:1

Kaydence Mila

   Our gorgeous girl made her entrance on Friday, December 27th, 2013 at 4:49pm. She weighed 7 pounds, 4 ounces and measured 20.5 inches long. We fell in love with her instantly and we have never been happier! Here's the story...

   My due date was December 23rd, and I had my 40 week appointment that afternoon. Throughout my pregnancy I had a little bit of trouble with high blood pressure, but it was never anything the doctor was too worried about - just something to keep an eye on. At my 39 week appointment he had scheduled an induction for the 26th if I hadn't gone into labor before then. I was dead set on a natural labor and birth, so I had decided to postpone being induced. It seems I tried all of the wives tales for going into labor on my own, just short of castor oil! When I went in at 40 weeks, my blood pressure was high again - higher than it had ever been. We finished the appointment and took it again, and it was still high. My doctor made me promise to take it easy over Christmas, and to plan on the induction. I was upset, and prayed every day that labor would start before then.

   Packing up the car and getting ready to go to the hospital at a scheduled time to have a baby is a surreal feeling. Brent and I spent the day cleaning the house and double checking to make sure we had things ready. I was scheduled for 9pm, so the wait seemed long. I tried to nap around 6pm but only slept for about 15 minutes. I woke up, showered, styled my hair, and put on a little bit of makeup. If I had to give up my plan, I was going to look decent in the process! We got in the car and Brent mentioned that it was our last night before we became parents, and it finally felt real for me. We grabbed a bite to eat, then headed to the hospital.

   I have never been a patient in a hospital before, so that alone gave me knots in my stomach. We got checked in and I had to sign some paperwork before changing into the beautiful and flattering gown that they provide. After I changed, Brent came in with a small gift bag and to my surprise it was a Vintage Pearl necklace with Kaydence's name on it. He hugged me and told me that this was the moment we've been praying for, and of course I started crying. I got a hold of myself and walked out, ready to start the induction.

   Around 9:45, the nurse administered a pill that would help ripen my cervix and get the process going. The first round didn't do much, and I was still only dilated a little bit when she gave me the second round 4 hours later. Brent and I had both just fallen asleep, when my water broke at 3:30am. I woke up quickly and thought "Surely I didn't just pee myself!" and Brent went to get the nurse. I was dilated to a 2 at that point. At around 5am, they started me on a Pitocin drip. It didn't do much right away, so it was turned up about a half an hour later. Shortly after that, my contractions were just a few minutes apart and quickly getting stronger and more painful. I can say now that there is NO way to prepare yourself for how contractions feel. I was in a bit of shock at how much more they hurt than I had expected! I did my best to focus and breathe through them, but after 6 hours, I opted for the epidural - and it was fantastic ;) 

   I slowly progressed to a 5, then stopped and was stuck there for 4 hours. The nurse informed me that the baby was low in the birth canal but that her head was crooked, and the further down she got, the more crooked it went. The nurse spent over 2 hours trying to turn the baby's head by having me switch to different positions and using a birth ball. At one point, I was on all fours and using an oxygen mask. My nephews came into the room and looked like they saw a ghost :) Kaydence still hadn't moved and I hadn't progressed any further. She wasn't reacting too well to the Pitocin at that point, so the nurse turned it down because it was starting to affect her heart rate. 

   The nurse had been updating my doctor throughout the day, and at around 4pm she told me that we would most likely have to do a c-section. I hadn't prepared for that, even though I knew it was a possibility. So, not only did I already cave and change my mind about going un-medicated, but now I wasn't even able to have her vaginally. I felt like a failure, and I had a meltdown. This was not what I had planned (when will I ever learn that my "plans" are in all actuality out of my control?)!

   In what seemed like an instant, I was being wheeled to the operating room - scared to death but trying not to show it. I saw the doors open and felt like I was in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Doctors and nurses in scrubs, everything looking so sterile and cold. Huge lights hung from the ceiling. Next thing I knew, there was a curtain on my chest, the doctor was testing and asking me if I was numb, and then it started. I felt tugging and pulling, but no pain of course. My doctor and the nurses carried on a normal conversation (can't remember what they talked about) like cutting someone open was a piece of cake. When they brought Brent in, I was already opened up and he sat behind me, holding my hand. My whole upper body was shaking uncontrollably, and I felt very cold. A few short minutes later, I heard my doctor say "There she is! Ooh, she's a good looking baby!". I heard Kaydence whimper once, and I immediately started crying. The first thing Brent said was that she had hair. He went with the nurse so she could clean the baby up while I got stitched back together. Brent was so excited that he almost walked out of the operating room without showing her to me! The moment I laid eyes on her, every negative feeling I had disappeared and I didn't care how she got here - just that she was here, she was healthy, and she was mine.

   One of the nurses told me to cross my arms so they could transfer me back to the hospital bed, but when I tried, I realized that my right arm was completely numb and I couldn't move it. I was freaked out but he told me it was normal and that I'd get feeling back soon. They wheeled me back to the delivery room, and after a while they brought Kaydence in. We immediately had skin to skin time, and she nursed successfully for almost an hour. I've heard people talk about the intense love they have for their babies, but there's just no way to describe it. She stole our hearts!

   The first two days of recovery were hard, but I started feeling a lot better on day 3. We're blessed with family who helped out right away, and Brent's daddy instincts kicked in immediately - he's been awesome about holding her, changing diapers, basically being my slave as I recover, etc.! 

   Now that she's here and we're settled at home, I feel a little better about the way everything happened. I still have a sense of sadness and loss about not delivering her naturally, but I am so thankful that we're both safe and healthy. 

   Thank you again to everyone who prayed for us throughout our journey. She is worth every single minute and I can't wait to watch her grow!

~Kirsten

       "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
                                                                --Hebrews 11:1