To look back at my first blog post and then be typing this one is a true testimony of God's faithfulness, and to know that He sees me and Brent fit to be the parents of this baby that we love so much already is unbelievable. Our trust in Him and patience for this pregnancy was tested over and over, and most days I wondered if it would ever happen for us. I was bitter, angry, discouraged, confused... you name it, I felt it. But the day I woke Brent up to tell him the test was positive made everything we went through well worth it... it was by far the best moment that we've had together.
I've had a fairly easy pregnancy. I had heard/read about the countless symptoms and terrible things that can go wrong, and it scared me to death at first, but I can honestly say that everything has been much smoother than I ever thought it could be. I had a 6 week bout of all day sickness, but even though the nausea was rough, I was glad to have it because it represented the changes my body was making to accommodate new life. I got excited when I got my first pregnancy-induced nosebleed, because new symptoms meant that I still had a baby growing inside of me. We've had a couple of minor "scares" - a failed 1 hour glucose test (passed the 3 hour one), and a couple of high blood pressure readings which resulted in a day of carrying a jug of my own urine around to test for pre-eclampsia (I was way under the protein level necessary for a positive diagnosis)... that was fun! Now that I'm so far along, sleep in general is a challenge and just the act of breathing proves difficult sometimes, but I can deal. My walks on the treadmill have officially ceased, because every time I'm on there I feel like the baby might fall out. Also, I just really enjoy sitting. The main things I've struggled with have been sciatica, body aches, and exhaustion - pretty mild I'd say! And honestly, if I had a different job that didn't require me to be on my feet all day, I could cross a lot of those symptoms off the list.
I must admit, the changes to my body and overall looks have affected me the most... far more than I had expected. The stretch marks, the jiggle that wasn't near as jiggly pre-pregnancy, the swelling (I can still wear my wedding rings though - score!), and the number on the scale rapidly increasing... it's all been hard to get used to. Maybe it's because I'm the type who has always had a complex about my figure (even when I was a 110 pound high school junior, and tipping the scales, so I thought, at 115 pounds as a senior), or maybe I'm just way more vain than I thought I was. I've caught myself complaining and then instantly feel convicted, because I remember how upset I'd get when we were wanting a baby so badly and an expectant mom made comments about the downsides of pregnancy. So I'm trying to keep the negative thoughts about my body to myself... after all, I'm growing a tiny human, and it's hands down the best thing I've ever been blessed to do. I'm so thankful for an awesome experience as a whole, and I can only hope and pray to be able to have it one more time (maybe two!).
I must admit, the changes to my body and overall looks have affected me the most... far more than I had expected. The stretch marks, the jiggle that wasn't near as jiggly pre-pregnancy, the swelling (I can still wear my wedding rings though - score!), and the number on the scale rapidly increasing... it's all been hard to get used to. Maybe it's because I'm the type who has always had a complex about my figure (even when I was a 110 pound high school junior, and tipping the scales, so I thought, at 115 pounds as a senior), or maybe I'm just way more vain than I thought I was. I've caught myself complaining and then instantly feel convicted, because I remember how upset I'd get when we were wanting a baby so badly and an expectant mom made comments about the downsides of pregnancy. So I'm trying to keep the negative thoughts about my body to myself... after all, I'm growing a tiny human, and it's hands down the best thing I've ever been blessed to do. I'm so thankful for an awesome experience as a whole, and I can only hope and pray to be able to have it one more time (maybe two!).
I'll be out of the salon for three whole months. It's bittersweet. I love my job, my co-workers and my clients, but I am so very excited to spend that time at home with Kaydence. Three months seems like such a long time, but I know in the blink of an eye the months will be long gone. I look forward to witnessing many of baby girl's firsts, but it breaks my heart to know that I can't be around for all of them. If she says her first word or takes her first steps when I'm at work, I hope whoever witnesses it has the decency to hide it from me. Then when I'm there and she does it again, they can pretend it's her first time ;) It will be hard to go back to work, but I'm lucky to have a job that I look forward to going to.
To everyone who has kept up with this blog and have prayed for us since the beginning - I am so, so, SO grateful. When I was worn down, when my prayers were half-hearted, when I was sick to death of being disappointed month after month and when I watched my husband's spirit be broken (which, for those who know him well, rarely happens), I took comfort in knowing that others were picking up the slack.
To those of you who are struggling with infertility - I encourage you to never give up. Many days I felt like I was close to throwing in the towel, but my heart never fully let me. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always willing. You can count on me to never give you the "stop stressing out and it will happen", or "just be patient" lines, because I know how frustrating it was to hear that when all I really wanted to hear was that it's okay to be upset and angry sometimes. That bitterness and jealousy are perfectly acceptable feelings. That you can be mad at God (but not STAY mad). I will forever relate, because I will never forget how I felt during the time when every woman but me seemed to be pregnant. You're not alone.
If Kaydence is the only child we ever have, we will be indebted to God for this blessing a million times and then some. One day we will tell her just how much we wanted her... how many tears we shed for her... how we loved her before she was ever conceived. I hope that Brent and I do our job of showing her the love of the Lord and that He is always faithful to those who trust in Him, and that she takes pride in knowing that she is a direct result of that faithfulness.
Please be praying for a safe delivery and a healthy baby. Pray for our doctor and nurses. Pray that Brent doesn't pass out or puke. And last but not least, pray that the epidural kicks in REALLY fast if I decide that I can't handle a non-medicated labor :)
One month to go, people. This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
~Kirsten
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
--Hebrews 11:1
~Kirsten
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
--Hebrews 11:1
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